Greg Gutfeld: The White House wants to police people’s opinions

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As the border dissolves like a sandcastle on the beach, inflation soars and crime runs rampant. What’s the Department of Homeland Security consumed with? I’ll give you a hint. It ain’t homeland security. It’s what you have to say about them and their failures. 

Apparently they’re as thin-skinned as Nancy Pelosi’s eyelids. Yesterday in a hearing on immigration, that bald fellow with the adorable ears announced a disinformation governance board in order to combat online misinformation. You know, because the real problems we face apparently are our opinions, not their incompetent actions. It’s like blaming fires on the fire department. I mean, they always seem to be around right after I start one.

ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS: We just recently constituted a misinformation, disinformation governance board. So the goal is to bring the resources of the department together to address this threat. 

Fun fact he had hair like Fabio before he worked with Kamala Harris. And why does he remind me of this guy? Oh, I just wanted to squeeze his head like a pastry bag filled with whipped cream, and that would be the beginning. 

Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas testifies before the House Judiciary Committee, on Capitol Hill, Thursday, April 28, 2022, in Washington.

Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas testifies before the House Judiciary Committee, on Capitol Hill, Thursday, April 28, 2022, in Washington.
(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

GREG GUTFELD: THE LEFT HAS TURNED INTO EVERYTHING THEY HATED

Well, I hope they found a good person to head up the board. Someone who could tell the difference between real and fake. Who can objectively judge evidence and refrain from making snap decisions without any proof. 

Oh, it’s Nina Jankowicz. 

She’s directing the board. I wouldn’t trust her to direct a Pauly Shore movie. She just shared her official government portrait on her social media profile. Cats out of the bag, she said. But really, whoever picked her had to be half in the bag to select this doofus. She’s further to the left than the green monster at Fenway. It’s a baseball reference Kat. I know my sports.

In case you’re unaware, Jankowicz had questioned the validity of Hunter Biden’s laptop early on, actually calling it a Trump campaign product, which raises some questions. One, how was she an expert? And two, you got to be kidding me. How could she even qualify for this job if she got that wrong? Oh, I forgot. We’re talking about a Biden administration job. What are they going to do next? Put Kamala in charge of the southern border. 

And you got to wonder, how did this expert base her opinion on the laptop? Was it her own opinion or was it handed to her? The way Joe was handed the presidency. It’s the biggest disinformation story of the past two years. Aside from whoever convinced CNN to start a streaming service – that was me. 

Was she aware that when she spouted her disinformation, she would affect an election? Maybe that was the whole point. And later, when it’s abundantly clear she was wrong, why hasn’t she owned up to it? I admit when I’m wrong, or at least I’m prepared to if that ever happens. But she knew she lied to get Trump out and Biden in, and she’s running this thing. 

Remember, as much as they say that they hate disinformation, the real doozies come from them. I mean, does Alejandro remember “whipgate?” That was disinformation Biden exploited and then amplified, demonizing a DHS employee, a border dude on horseback, accusing him of whipping Haitian migrants. Now you didn’t have to be a long-standing member of one of the few S&M clubs located right here in midtown Manhattan to know those weren’t whips. I mean, it’s nothing like a leather flogger. But they conducted an investigation on it and once they realized their information turned out to be as legit as RuPaul’s eyelashes, they said nothing. And this should piss you off. 

They’re creating a ministry of information under the guise of protecting you when really they’re targeting you instead. You can’t trust these people to monitor disinformation. That’s like trusting Brian Stelter to guard your donuts, or asking Joy Behar to keep an eye on your broomstick. It’s like begging Hunter to keep an eye on your eight-ball. That was my mistake. It’s like trusting Norman Bates to recommend a decent bed and breakfast. 

DHS Sec. Alejandro Mayorkas. (House Oversight Committee)

DHS Sec. Alejandro Mayorkas. (House Oversight Committee)

Jankowicz is also a lefty clone, even echoing manic liberal reaction to Musk buying Twitter. If she ever came up with the thought of her own, it would die of loneliness.

 She told NPR that she shudders to think about more free speech after Musk bought Twitter and wondered if the First Amendment is a good thing for marginalized communities. And by marginalized communities, she means people who think jokes are acts of violence. While acts of violence are, well, free speech. 

JANKOWICZ: I shudder to think about if free speech absolutists were taking over more platforms, what that would look like for the marginalized communities all around the world, which are already shouldering so much of this abuse. Disproportionate amounts of this abuse. 

So much. She also recommended the government spend your money on a robust public media. Imagine that, all the boredom of NPR with the efficiency of the Department of Motor Vehicles and as unbiased as Will Smith reviewing a Jada Pinkett movie. 

She also applauded Twitter’s efforts to censor users during the 2020 election, saying the platform moved in the right direction, which really means moving so far left Mao would say, “Hmm, let’s think this over.” 

I wonder when this will come to the workplace. 

STAFFER 1: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the first meeting of the Gutfeld Disinformation Board. So, anyone have any complaints? 

STAFFER 2: Yeah. So last week, when I was trapped in that elevator and you told Greg I was in Cancun, isn’t that disinformation? I mean, you can see me on the elevator security camera. 

STAFFER 1: First of all, I am so sorry that you feel that way. But we all know that unlike time travel, elevators haven’t been invented yet. Right. 

STAFFER 3: Um, Kat? Last time I was on panel, you promised I could get into hair and makeup, and you were in there for 6 hours having your hair extensions done. 

STAFFER 1: Oh, whoa. My hair is real. Yeah. Look, I think we can all agree that Greg is the guilty one here, right? I mean, remember when he said we couldn’t have any bathroom breaks because COVID lives in your pee? 

STAFFER 4: Hey, everybody. Sorry I’m late. We can start the disinfo meeting now. 

There you go. So, it appears this White House is trying to create a new shiny arm of government to crack down on stuff they don’t want to hear. The goal – to police your opinions, to hide their bad news or magically turn it into good news. Hey, inflation’s good for the economy. The crime rate is actually going down. Carjacking is really assertive carpooling. I wonder what their motto will be. Here’s my suggestion. If you like your opinion, you can keep your opinion. 

Mojtaba Sadira

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