Creating Tolerance and World Peace

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Dating is a fun but complicated adventure. First step: meet someone. Whether you do that at a book club or a nightclub is up to you; what matters is that you find common ground.

Once you’ve met someone, then it’s time for dating.

With enough dates you can get to know each other better, at which point you can use that knowledge to begin courting in earnest. That means appealing to the other person’s interest in the activities you propose and the gifts you bring. Once you’ve established a connection, you progress through the stages of healthy relationship.

Excitement – Everything is new and fresh. The couple doesn’t know where things will lead and there’s tension. But is there chemistry?

Acceptance – Eventually both people realize the other has flaws. They have to decide whether the good outweighs the bad.

Trust – Those flaws had better not include lack of trust, because it’s the most important ingredient in the casserole that makes a relationship.

Meet the Family – Intimidated? Meeting each other’s families is scary, but it’s often important to know that your family approves of the person you’re with. This is a major and significant step.

Commitment – This can take many forms. It might be moving in together, or it might be a ring. In any case, it means sacrificing freedom for the sake of devotion.

Adjustment – Get used to the consequences of commitment. It is life-changing – this final stage, which may continue indefinitely, is when people must figure out how to handle the changes. How gracefully they do so determines the success of the relationship.

Genuine relationships between couples include the ability of both to tolerate one another at every level. Some human habits are easier to accept than others. How about your husband’s violence toward the neighborhood dog that just bit your child? Hmmm. Can you handle that? It’s a gray area. It’s hard to see clearly though the fog of this one. How does that situation at home make you react away from home? Key: do you react or act?

Violence is not tolerated by most peaceful people. But what is violence? Is it murder? Is it the feelings you have for the driver on the freeway that just cut you off and almost hit you in the process? Is it the form of anger that shows up in a volleyball match with a score of 13 all?

Where is this emotion coming from that blinds you? Fear.

You fear that your child may be killed. You fear the driver on the freeway could cost you money or your life. You fear losing the volleyball match. Self-preservation has to be tended to very carefully. Perception is everything. Emotion fogs perception.

The dog bit your son because he was tormenting it.

The man that cut you off was angry because you cut him off two miles back.

The real reason you ignited in anger at the girl who spiked the ball past your face?  She was the one who created the breakup between you and your former mate.

How is the relationship between you and your spouse? Is a volleyball match interrupting it? Are you carrying anger and fear with you in the outside world? Don’t kick the dog.

Reacting and acting. Choose the second. Your eyesight will clear up.